Monday 14 September 2009

"I guess I'll write a letter I'd like to recieve-

19 Aug 09.

Dear _____________,

The publisher is happy to inform you that the arrangements for your next contract, (illustrating a book about India) have all been made - we will send a copy for you to sign and a PIN number for your expense account. Of course we are aware that you like to travel alone and find your own accomodation but please be our guest in Mumbai at the Taj holel in Colata when you meet our associates in January.
Publication is planned for early 2011.

Your most recent book,
the collection of short stories "Mr Bumblebee
Falls to his Death" has
been shipped with an
initial run of 50,000
copies. The book will
be prominently displayed
in all towns and
cities where
your ex-boyfriends & ex-husband are known
to reside, and we assure you that every one
of them will see it and think - "___________!
I always knew she was smarter than me."

Again a hearty handshake and
we look forward to your new work. You
can quit your day job!

The Publisher

"As I went back over my diaries when I finally went to leave this godforsaken place..."


As I went back over my diaries when I finally went to leave this godforsaken place, you name cropped up for over a year. Two notebooks full of your name everywhere. And what a passion we shared! A passion of no limitations. As I flicked through the pages I was intrigued to how this passion played out, it is a good dramatic story that changed my life. I still cannot see you without getting a bolt of emotions running through me. Although our passion is long gone and the love we felt... ..well, do those things really die? Isn't there always a flame that lingers on?
What I wanted to say is that I'm glad I got to experience this passion in my life. That crazy film passion, which burns you to the core and makes you do things as if possessed.
At the time, I didn't see your love for me. I thought you were fooling me; the things you said and did were extraordinary in everyway. But as I see it now, when I read through our story, is that you suffered just as badly as I did when it ended. That your love was just as great as mine.
Even though it left me with scars I thought never would heal, it was greater than I could have ever imagined or thought. Hatred is also a passion feeling....guts out, blood on the floor, stains never wash out. That's what it was. A shaken and stirred rollercoaster ride.
I am far, far away now, but oh, so near. It was harder to let go than I thought."

"I just thought you should know..."


I dreamt last night that you were my father. It was a surprise for both of us. You were shocked, but took responsibility. You took me in as your child. As the dream progressed, I was in a room full of people, it was a party, people were dancing in a circle. Quite tribal, when you think about it. Then suddenly, I felt this arm around me, the feeling of enormous love surrounding me. It was you. Taking me in as your child. And it was this strange energetic feeling of love which only appear in dreams, and when you wake up, it follows you around. It meant something. Your influence touching me, as if it was real. You are real. You exist.
But because we are strangers to each other in real life and hardly ever met, I wonder how this dream can mean so much?
But as I see it, you are my spiritual father who took me in as your child. I'm not alone.
I just thought you should know.


Sunday 13 September 2009

To “The Godparents”

Letters Anonymous
Your Letter at Last!
PO Box 11647
Dublin 10

September 11 2009

To “The Godparents”,

I write this letter to two individuals, who have been very special in both mine and my daughter’s lives. I often tell you both through texts, emails, or birthday and Christmas cards, however, I thought I would write this letter in my own words, to express how much you both mean to me.

One half of the letter is to my brother, who is also my daughter’s godfather.
The other half of the letter is to my cousin, who also happens to be my daughter’s godmother.

It was our wonderful granny who suggested I choose you both as The Godparents, when my baby was being christened way back in 1995.
You were both quite young then (at 17 years of age) and you both expressed doubts to me as to whether you would be up to the job or not.
You took your roles as The Godparents very seriously indeed.
However, I knew you both would succeed, and I had every confidence in your abilities as ye matured through the years.

I’m glad I took granny’s advice back then, as I couldn’t have asked for two better role models, and two people who give such inspiring spiritual guidance to my daughter.

This is for you guys!

To “The Godfather”:

Well J,

I have known you for the past 32 years. Although I didn’t particularly want a brother at nearly 3 years old, I am truly delighted you came along. We have shared many, many ups and downs throughout our lives thus far, laughing and joking one minute, fighting like cats and dogs the next! Yet we always have each to turn to in times of crisis. For this J, I’m forever grateful.
When my baby girl arrived, it was a very strange and exciting time for the entire family. I remember you visiting me in the hospital with your friend, both of you in your school uniforms preparing for Leaving Cert. I remember when I asked you to hold this little baby girl, you baulked, saying you were too scared to hold this little 8lb 1oz soul. However, as the days went by (and the more I persuaded you to do so), you took her in your arms and fell in love with her almost immediately. I remember when I used to brush her fringe downwards and you would brush it to the side (making her look like a nerd!) You got such a great laugh out of that!
You were always there for her as she grew up during her childhood, babysitting the odd time I went out socialising, helping her deal with the bullies at school, teaching her Kung Fu etc.

She always looked to you as a ‘father figure’ as she never knew her own father at all. You still are to this day, mad about her and I’m sure she’s grateful that you’re helping her now (through the difficult teenage years). Thank you bro! I love you so much xxx

To “The Godmother”:
Well V,
What can I say that hasn’t already been said a million times before? Again you are a
wonderful person whom I’ve known for 32 years. Although we are cousins, you have always been much more like a sister to me. We had many adventures when we were young, writing letters about pens, going off to Cork, Tiglinn and Rush, chasing all the fellas! How could I ever forget the ‘sleepovers’ at your house and mine, when we didn’t sleep at all, but just chatted all night, and then “The Shuffler” scaring us witless!
I remember having dinner out with you and grandad for my 30th birthday. It was my first difficult birthday as it was 8 months on after granny had passed away. You gave me a lovely gold necklace with a rose on it. You also wrote me the most beautiful poem, describing all our ups and downs up to that point, including the most difficult one of all, watching our wonderful granny, the woman we loved so much and who had most influence in our lives, slowly dying from the awful C word. And although that was a truly difficult time for us all, it brought me and you closer together and made us stronger.
What about all those years working hard in Admin jobs and studying Degrees and Masters together? How tough were they eh? But we managed to get through it all, and again the Godparents were there for me on my Graduation day. We always have such a brilliant time together!

I am so proud of you and everything you have done. I love you so much xxx

Finally, To You both:
Once again, we four individuals (The Godparents, my girl, and I) go on to face another difficult journey in our lives, one that is particularly difficult for my daughter.

Together we four will stand, side by side, ready to take on the world.
We’ve done it before.....we will do it again!

I don’t know where I would be without ye rock through life.

I love you both so much and always will xxx

Yours most faithfully,

C x